Here's a link to download the YA audio book I completed a few weeks ago. It's a really fun and funny adventure story for kids 9-12... a steal at only $5!
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
so today was my birthday. it was a good one i must say. good in it's simpleness and sweetness. awoke to love and eased into the day. coffee and some friends and family calling and the like. then a long walk with my dog. what a beautiful day, weather could not have been better, socal serving it up in only the way it can, so when i got home i sat on our deck outside and read. didn't want to go anywhere, just taking it easy, kickin it homestyle. love that. later on i had my analytical trilogy class and then it was out with a few friends to barbarella bar. good happy hour. cool chill vibe. stopped off for one more at the red lion and back home to a pasta dinner served up by my father in law, sauce he slaved over all day. overall i could not be more please with how this all went. relaxing and right-sized. happy birthday to me. and thanks to all those who give me love and wished me well. i am bigger and brighter because of you.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
drinking maynard james keenan wine i bought signed by his majesty himself one year ago. we are celebrating our lease signing. one year in this beautiful new space that we fought so hard for. terms going back n forth, repairs not done, landlord being resentful of the lower rent we negotiated and all the time and money he's had to put in. many battles, lost some and won some but it is settled now and i look forward to getting back to my life. so tired of living in survival mode.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
i come home from ny today after a weekend of complete trip. my high school reunion. so many old familiar faces, more than familiar, these people know each other. we know each other. 134 kids in our graduating class. mostly, we all went to kindergarden and up together. people were nice. it was nice.
the first night i walk in late. an all day flight and a chance pick up by my cousin at jfk, who happened to be visiting his grandmother in the hospital in long island. i had emailed him right before i got on the plane. actually i was on the plane. last minute thought: how the hell am i getting from the airport? i had no idea how i was going to make the one and a half hour trip from queens to new paltz, ny. this whole thing has been winged. i only decided to go the day before. i spent literally months going back and forth about it and eventually decided i wasn't going to go. too much money. too much hassle. the dog has no where to stay. etc. and then the day before, after much hemming and hawing, and with major cheerleading from my friends, fear gave way to excitement. i heeded the call and went with my instinct. something was telling me i just had to go. there was so much pull. and they wanted me, they actually wanted me to go. they cared. it's been a long time. so i accept their generous offer to help pay for half and i find myself pushing "buy ticket" on Orbitz. and suddenly i'm going.
so it's a weekend-long extravaganza. the first event is an informal "warm-up" at a new local bar. nice place. grown up. none of us have any memories here, so it's neutral ground. a nice touch. couches and dim lighting. good wine. a courtyard out back. of course i don't know any of this yet.
my cousin lets me out across the street and as i'm walking up, panic grips. there's a bunch of people outside. who will they be? this thing started at 7pm and it's now 9:45. it ends at 10. nothing like a late entrance. did i mention it took 3 hours to get from jfk to our tiny town in the mountains? columbus day traffic. car sick, queasy, exhausted but still excited, i approach.
to my delight the first two people i see are two of my dear friends. thank you! they are smoking cigarettes. i wonder if they still both smoke or is this just an old times sake thing?
we chat outside. then i make my entrance. all heads turn. it's a new face. i feel like the needle was just ripped off a record.
i smile and wave.
i don't know where to look. so many familiar faces coming into my line of vision from all over the room. someone is grabbing me now and giving me a big hug hello. and then another someone. and then, oh it's my first real boyfriend. a quick hug and an introduction to his lady.
the night is spent happily wandering around and talking to just about every one in the place. one person ignores me but i catch her on the way out. i want to say something to everybody. to make up for all the "i really don't give a shit about you" attitude i might have harbored in the past. i am a different, kinder person.
it's a fun night. i don't get drunk. i chat and laugh and hear stories, many of them dirty. some of them about me. i meet husbands and wives and say what i'm doing in 3 sentences like i've learned to.
the next morning, a good friend texts me and says she's going to the park. this is the second event. kids and bagels at majestic park. originally i had thought i would opt out of this one. but now i feel strangely "why not", so i throw on some clothes and we're off.
it's a warm feeling to see people with their kids. i think of how ready i am. and hope that it will happen soon.
that night is the actual "reunion". all right, but kind of a let down after such a cool first night. the drinks are expensive and there's no sit down meal, it's just apps and a bunch of small rooms so the feeling is disjointed. the music is in one room, the food in another, and nobody knows quite what to do when. i start having all these ideas about what would have been fun; a slide show comes to mind, or some old video tape or something. so many fun things we could have done! but i remind myself i wasn't even going to come to this reunion, so my director's brain can take a rest.
there is a trivia game led by our lovely class drama queen. that part is fun. but the staff is bitter. we find out they're actually closing the place and the whole thing, on their part, seems like an after-thought. there is a leak in the ceiling. no garbage can in the bathroom. they rip the food right out from under us as soon as the clock chimes 10. they want us out.
we decide collectively to go to bacchus, an old-school bar in town. everyone comes, including my brother, who happens to be in town for a giants game the next day, my sister, my niece and my cousin. it is a family affair. i feel oddly supported and delight in this feeling that i just don't get in los angeles. multi-generational family partying just doesn't happen for me out there.
some important late night conversations end the second night. things people had been needing to say got said. i end up realizing that as much as it was for me that i went back, it was for a few others too. i feel grateful to have been pulled. it seems impossibly right that i went. i can't imagine not having gone, or i can, but it would have been the wrong choice. roots are important to dig up and examine every now and again. every 20 years?
then came part two. the big apple, another whole part of my life. a huge chapter. the first one of adulthood. i drive down with my best childhood friend from first grade and her husband, who went to our high school too. we drive down and land, bam, right on to 99th and riverside. this is the first neighborhood i lived in when i came there all those years ago. there's the school i taught at, the subway i road, the streets i walked.
and then on down to a beautiful hotel i would never have imagined i'd stay at all those times i trekked passed the tic toc diner going to some audition. my husband ironically has a business trip this same weekend, and they've paid for the hotel. i meet him there and we walk the streets in search of a steak house. it feels nice to be with him in this place that had such a hand in my development.
the next day, to finish the journey we are in the east village, my old neightborhood, where i lived the most. where i loved. lived. came alive, learned a lot. crashed and burned. defined myself. discovered myself. fucked up and ate hungrily.
we meet an old friend for drinks. she was my first friend in nyc. met her in my first acting class and as it turned out we had both been theatre majors at the same college, but she was older than me so we never met. but we knew all the same people. we catch up on the five years it's been since we've seen each other. we take some awful pictures on the street and then say our good byes.
we meet another friend for dinner. we eat at angelica kitchen, the restaurant where i worked for four years. a place that most certainly changed my life. introduced me to veganism. started the turn into whom i wanted to be. finding that person.
this friend we're with now was one of my "last" friends in nyc. we worked at a different restaurant together, at the end of my time in the city. he hands me off the guitar he's been holding for me for 6 years, redefining the meaning of "would you hold this for a while". i can't believe he still has it. that's so cool.
and then in a flash it's 4 am and the alarm is sounding. and i am making my way back to jfk. i have come full circle. did it all. a recap, from roots to trunk to sprouted leaves. which blew me of course to my new life in the west.
i get home and realize i'm out of my past but not quite in my future just yet. the house we've been moving into for 2 months is still not ready, even after another bunch of big promises from the landlord before we left. disappointed is an understatement. rain storms and old things are getting ruined outside. i'm in-between two houses and i can't find anything. i want to take a shower and have a cup of tea, but the shower's in one house and the tea kettle's in the other. oh what a nice ending it would have been to have come back to a clean cozy settled home. i guess these things can't be rushed. i'm caught in between what is and what shall be.
and as i sign on to take my new course in analytical trilogy, i think of all these things and know that despite the discomfort, everything is all right. i didn't get where i am today, downstairs in my makeshift studio, in between a falling down apartment and a brand new spacious house, in a city that has been so generous to me, without some delays... these things take time. i have just recapped 20 years.
now i'm right smack at the beginning of the next 20.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
is God's Protection.
makes me wonder why.
prepares me for the next time.
makes me stronger.
makes me recommit to myself.
makes anger arise.
makes sadness come.
feels bad in the moment.
and grows to be a memory that doesn't.
is a learning experience.
another notch on the belt.
hope was up.
this knocks me down.
but i get up.
don't they say
"it's just another opportunity for yes"
down the line
it doesn't mean no
"not right now"
it's all good.
it wasn't meant to be.
not at this time.
not right now.
not with that person
and in that way.
something better is coming.
Universe has my back.
angels are in line
seven behind me
strong and hovering
waiting for the right moment
the right person
to grab gently by the back of the shirt
and take for a ride
with my name on it.
Monday, August 24, 2009
So I worked all weekend. 15 hour days. Sore body. Tired mind. Need to rest a bit; it does not feel like Monday to me.
The cool thing is I was working an outdoor music festival called Sunset Junction. (In one of my other lives I work on the marketing team for O.N.E. coconut water). It was at times boring, stiflingly hot, fun and wonderful. I was able to catch a few bands and that was great. In fact our booth was right by one of the stages, so I got to watch Arrested Development as I was "working". I danced my butt off. They are still, after all these years, such a great band. Genuinely talented musicians and what a mad crazy love vibe they radiate. It was really beautiful watching them, feeling them, build and shape the positivity, drawing people in and winning everybody over. What a joyful show.
Another cool act I caught was Nico Vega http://www.myspace.com/nicovega . Awesome female singer. She was just great. Great voice. Great front woman. She really brought it.
Well, I think that's all for me now. Nasty sewage smell radiating throughout the house, I am afraid to say. Plumbing issues. Moving soon and going on vacation even sooner, so it is ALL GOOD.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Just did a whole bunch of voices for this project from Loyola Productions. Answered an ad on Craigslist and it turned out to be a blast. It was a cool coincidence because my niece just started a year long commitment with the JVC (Jesuit Volunteer Corps) and this happens to be produced by a Jesuit production company.
The project is called "The Real Deal" and is kind of a series of short tv episodes, like a mini-series, that's going to be used to spark classroom discussion. The premise is that all media (phones, computers, radio / tv stations) somehow get taken over by "The Real Deal", which is some sort of news show that broadcasts sad but true facts about our world, 24/7. Stuff about global warming, violence, sexual assault, consumerism, etc. Every time someone turns on any sort of media, they hear "The Real Deal".
I got to do a bunch of different voices for all the different media-a tv announcer, a few radio DJ's and a computer broadcast. It was so much fun and I was in and out in about 25 minutes.
Not sure if they'll put them on Youtube but I'll post a link if they do!
Monday, August 10, 2009
so I always kept a journal as a child. I mean my whole life I kept one. still do. and from here on out, I guess it's public. what a bizarre twist. the thing I always wanted to keep secret but secretly wanted someone to find someday and publish, is now being published, by myself. so i see someday is now...
i don't forsee sharing lots of dark secrets. i think mostly career stuff will be in order. but who knows. maybe i will lay down on this electric page and ride. blogging seems cool, like voiceover. anonymity and exposure working in tandem.
Right now my dog is resting quietly, tired from his walk and comfortable with his familiar surroundings. CNN is blaring, "Horror over the Hudson". There are about 100 things I didn't get to today. "Work" gets in the way. Work being my job with the US Census and my freelance marketing & promotion of coconut water job. These things I do for extra money whilst I build my dream career.
Dream career. It has taken me a long time to find it. Started as an actor back in NY, became a performance artist, a singer, lived the "struggling artist" life, the underground scene, totally committed to it, a fascination. From live theatre and clubs in the East Village to horror punk and the LA music scene. Trying to leave it all behind and finding myself right back where I started. Except now I believe I can be an artist, which I am, and also make money. Live a comfortable life. What is so wrong with that?
My whole life I sought out discomfort in some way. I thought it was noble and admirable to be poor. I thought it was how it had to be and also on some level I thought it's what I deserved. The penance I must do. I am finished with that. I want freedom. I want the comfort to pursue what I want to pursue. I want the personal power and freedom to do it. I want to help others. Fund vacations and bring loved ones together. Have a lovely home. Wear clothes I actually like. Express myself through my surroundings.
Now I certainly know money is not everything. People are everything. Love and spirit and nature. I am clear. And this whole notion of "comfort" makes me uncomfortable on some level, but I'd like to change that. In fact, it's always been a sort of dirty word for me and I'd like to distinguish: I still and hopefully will always believe it is important to not get "too comfortable" in terms of not challenging oneself, becoming complacent, and etc... however, I am finally coming to believe that it's not wrong to wish for or have a comfortable life. Money is a form of positive energy that can help people and create positive change in my own life and the lives of others. I can certainly be more of a help to everyone if I am not struggling with the basics. I used to somehow equate money with evil, being bad or something. So done with that. I wish success and freedom for myself and for all in the physical world. After all it is where we live.
So back to the dream career. A year ago it came to me. I had been doing a year of "career dating" after a most horrible computer job that ended up destroying me physically, spiritually and emotionally. I had gotten out of this bad job and while nursing a broken down body, a "frozen shoulder", carpal tunnel, tendonitis, a bad back and the like, I decided to explore other career possibilities. My whole adult life I had been an artist and had a zillion other crappy jobs to compensate for that, and I was finally committed to getting out of the entertainment business and moving on. I'd do anything. Really, I threw up my hands and said I will do anything God, just tell me what! And I explored this career and that. I looked into grad school for teaching and Social Work and I looked at massage schools and Homeopathy. I applied for and was accepted to a Fellowship for the Mental Health Industry and at the end of that I decided it wasn't for me. All these different options but nothing seemed quite right. Not right enough to actually commit to.
Now this whole time I had been doing a radio show. "DJ" was another career I looked at, until I realized I was way too late for it, had no connections and would probably have to move to a bum fuck town to get a 2 am slot that paid about $12/hr if I was lucky. But I had developed this music show and was renting out studio space each week, recording a live show and then archiving it as a podcast. And I started realizing I loved it. I loved the mic. I loved being totally hidden and yet totally heard. It kind of took many things I had worked on my whole life- performance, communication, sharing my voice, using my creativity-and rolled it into this new fascinating, totally dangerous and safe thing that felt right.
Could it be that I tried so hard to escape doing something creative only to be sucked back into it insidiously? I thought I was just doing the radio show for fun, but I couldn't help but see that it was really the only thing that made me feel alive. The only thing I could really get behind one hundred percent.
So I dipped my toe in. Let me take a class. I took one VO class and then another and then a third and began to realize, this could be it. What I've been looking for. A way to make great money, have a nice - dare I say - comfortable life and still be creative, not to mention allows for a flexible schedule that accomodates having a family and a life outside of work. Sounds like a dream.
So for this past year I have been studying, making my commercial demo, making connections, learning and laying the foundation. I have realized that I just don't fit in the box. Voiceover is a lovely out of the box profession. I just need a lot of patience, faith, and unwavering commitment.
Hope you will join me in my journey.